How to Handle a Situation and future Marital Arguments QUESTION from Amy on August 2, 2002 Bro. Ignatius,
Thank you for taking the time to read this. This may be a bit silly but it means alot to me. I've noticed some changes in my husband. When we were together before marraige, he was very much interested in Catholism. We were on the same page about everything. Soon after, it is slowly disipating. One thing that bothers me is the immorality on television and radio. We were in total agreement with each other. I thought we were. One day, I came home from work and found that my husband was watching a show that was not in the best interest of us. How was I to handle this? I was so upset, Bro Ignatius. I know I did not handle it the right way but I was hurt. He was sitting there in our house gauking at other women. Bro. Ignatius, this was the very reason why it took me so long to get married. I wanted to find the right person for his morals, values, and Catholic faith. Now the very thing I thought I married seems to be a lie. It makes me feel so ugly. I feel that I am not satisfying to him and like I don't want to be near him because I wonder if he thinks about other things. Why would he feel the need to do this? I don't understand it. It is a problem for many woman and men. But it doesn't seem to affect me. Am I strange? I know it is an occurance that happens to many people in our society today. But I don't think I should just laugh it off like everyone else does. Bro. Ignatius, if I knew that I had to face this, I would have much rather been single and alone. When we discussed it, and he then admitted it was a problem of his. I have to be stuck with this. How do I handle it? I knew I flew off the handle. I left the house to spend some time with a friend for a few hours and came home late. I also told him some hurtful things like I can't believe what I got myslef into. But honestly, I would have stayed single if I knew this is what I had to deal with. I thought I knew him well enough. Please help me. Any information would be greatly appreciated.
ANSWER by John-Paul Ignatius, OLSM on August 13, 2002 Dear Amy:
I am so sorry to hear about this situations. I would guess that your husband was always like this but was putting his best foot forward to impress you while you were dating.
Now that you are married he is letting his hair down as it were. And in his doing that some ugly things are beginning to show.
I would take a look at some of the the prayers in the Spiritual Warfare Catalog linked at the end of this post. There are some prayers for a spouse that may be helpful to you.
As to behavior of gawking at other women and the like, perhaps you can calmly express to him how that make you feel. This should not be turned into an argument as best as you can control it, but he does need to know your feelings -- not only about that, but about all your concerns.
Be sure to pray BEFORE confronting him on this.
You may also want to talk to your parish priest, or a loyal Catholic Counselor for advice on handling the specifics.
We will be in prayer for you and your husband.

Spiritual Warfare Catalog Back to Index Page