Spiritual Warfare Forum: darkness, desolation or just sin?
darkness, desolation or just sin? QUESTION from Connie on February 15, 2003 I have over the last year turned from a person of prayer and love of our dear Lord to a mean and nasty woman. I know I still love our Lord but I use His name in vain freely, I feel like I hate my husband and have stopped attending daily Mass, saying the liturgy of the hours and personal prayer. I feel like I may not even find ethernal salvation. I no longer feel that I would be ready to die as I'm not sure I would still go to Heaven.
Please, please I don not want to be separated from Jesus. Please beg that He not let me go. I am the worst of Christians. Please pray for me. I need alot of prayer. I am soon to be taking my temporary promises for the lay carmelites OCDS and I can't even pray! In my heart at the time I so truly felt a calling to this vocation. Now, I can't even discipline myself to follow the rule let alone take time out for God. I do talk to Him often though.
God have mercy on me! The harder I try to be patient and loving the worse I seem to get. If my community knew me now they would probably ask me to leave. Why have I changed so much? Any thoughts, direction, and prayer would be greatly appreciated. I added a prayer to the online prayerbook. God bless, Connie
ANSWER by John-Paul Ignatius, OLSM on April 10, 2003 Dear Connie:
Please remember God Loves You!
I cannot advise you on why this happened to you without knowing about your life. Have you involved yourself in matters of the occult or New Age? Have you dabbled in Astrology or the Ouija Board? Are you reading books on the occult or new age? Have you found yourself in some sin? Has there been some trauma in your life?
Try to remember when these problems began and think about what was going on in your life at the time.
In any event, however you got yourself in this situation, you can get out. You are expressing a deep desire to not be this way. That is good.
First, you need to return to Mass, even if you cannot receive communion. The Mass gives you graces that will help you to cope with whatever is going on in your life and to get back on track.
Go to confession. Confession is a healing Sacrament, not just one of Penance or reconciliation. If you are thus properly disposed then when going to Mass receive the Eucharist.
Receiving Eucharist is like putting gas into your car. Your car will not go anyway without gas and you will go know where without the Eucharist.
At the bottom of the page are links to a self-help page and a Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog. Visit those sites. You may find information and prayers that will be of benefit to you.
Pray, pray, pray. Pray even when you don't feel like it. Force yourself to pray. At first maybe all you can pray is a single Hail Mary. That is fine. Or maybe you need to start out with even a shorter prayer such as: Jesus, help me.
Begin small with short prayers but be consistent and regular. Pray such short prayers several times a day.
Also, go to the Church and sit before the Blesseed Sacrament. Tell God your situation. Give Him your thoughts. But then be still, say nothing, and let God talk to you. If your mind wanders, just re-focus on the Sacrament in the Tabernacle.
Being before the Sacrament is like being in the presence of radiation. The Radiation of God's loves reaches out and bathes us as we sit there. It irradiates us. Go and soak in the radiation of God's love.
Even if you feel bored, just remain there and calm yourself. Think about whatever you think about, but just remain there soaking in the radiation of GOd's love.
Do this at least one hour each week and DO NOT STOP.
If you want to get out of this spiritual blue funk, you will have to work at it. There are no magic bullets, no miracle pills to take.
Try following the things I have mentioned here for three months and see what happens.
Additionally, know that we will be praying for you.
God Bless, Bro. Ignatius
For Assistance with Spiritual Warfare problems please go to our How We Can Help You page. For a direct link to sample Spiritual Warfare prayers see our Spiritual Warfare Prayer Catalog Back to Index Page