How to Create a Delinquent in 12 Easy Lessons by Father Hal Stockert Begin in infancy to give him everything he wants; He will grow up thinking the world owes him the same. When he picks up bad or dirty words, laugh. That will let him believe he is cute. He will then run out and pick up other words which will allow him to blow someone else's head off. Or maybe his own, as well. Never give him any spiritual upbringing until he's 21 and old enough to choose for himself. By the same logic, never require good English from him. Just in case he would rather speak Afghani when he's grown. Praise him to all your neighbors when he can hear it; show him how much smarter than everybody else you think he is. Avoid the use of the word wrong. It may create a feeling of guilt in him. This will prepare him to believe that when he's punished later on for doing wrong, society is against him and he's being persecuted unjustly and unfairly. Pick up after him all the time: shoes, books, clothes. Do for him everything he doesn't want to do, so he'll garner experience in unloading his burdens onto others. He needs the practice at home where nobody will kill him for this noxious habit. Let him read anything he wants; or watch anything he wants on TV or at the movies. Or what he reads. Have no concern for what goes into his mind. After all, it's only words. Provide him with sterilized tableware and silverware to keep his little tummy from getting sick, but let him fill his mind with poison from any source at all. Only words. Quarrel frequently where your children can see and hear you. With your spouse, neighbor, friend, the cop on the beat, school principal, teacher, any authority figure whatever. That way they won't be so shocked when their own homes break up over the same issues. Give him all the spending money he wants; never require him to earn his own. Satisfy every hunger the child has for food, drinks and anything else that has to do with the senses, gratify every sensual desire. Take his part against police, teachers, priest and neighbor. They're all prejudiced against your little baby, anyhow. He needs to know he has someone on his side all the time-however evil his side has become. When he gets into real trouble, always defend yourself and say, I never could do anything with him. Copyright © 1997 Fr. Hal Stockert.Used with Permission