Faith/Spirituality Forum: Another Marriage Question
Another Marriage Question QUESTION from Carol August 14, 2001 My fiance and I have begun the annulment processes for our previous marriages. We had initially planned to be married next summer, but we really don't want to wait until then. He is Catholic, but I am not. I have signed up for the RCIA classes, but I have not committed to converting yet. I enjoy attending mass with him and want to learn more about the Church, and we plan to raise our children in the Church. My question is this: if we do not want to wait until the annulment procedures are finalized and decide to go ahead and marry, may we RENEW our vows in the Church once the annulments are complete so that we will be recognized as being married?? Is this ever done? Thank you for any help.
ANSWER by John-Paul Ignatius, OLSM on August 15, 2001 Dear Miss Carol:
Yes, I can help -- TAKE COLD SHOWERS. I know the wait is hard, but the wait is worth it.
Otherwise what you are asking in essence is: We can't wait so is it okay to fornicate now as long as we go to confession later? The answer to that must be NO!
First, if you marry before the annulment process is completed favorably you and your husband will be living in Grave Sin. That is not a very good way to start a marriage.
Second, in addition, your Catholic husband will be barred from Communion because he will be in a state of sin.
Third, if you do this before you convert, and before the annulment is decided, then you will not be allowed to convert until the annulment issues are completed. This is because you cannot come into the Church on the basis of Serious Sin -- unless you agree to live as brother and sister until the annulment comes through.
Fourth, if you marry after you convert, but before the annulment, then you too will be barred from Communion.
Fifth, to be forgiven later requires that one is REALLY sorry for their sins. How can you really be sorry for this sin when it is planned out so deliberately in rebellion and with full knowledge and fore-thought that I'll sin today on purpose and confess tomorrow? This cast suspicions on whether you are really sorry for your sin. But if the Holy Spirit really convicts you that you really have sinned and you are filled with guilt and remorse, then of course you can be forgiven.
Sixth, however, this is playing Russian Roulette with your soul -- and you could lose.
Seventh, but as mentioned, if one is truly sorry for their sin, they can be reconciled with the Church, and the marriage blessed after the annulment comes through. But you would have to agree to live and brother and sister until the annulment came through.
Eighth, I sure wouldn't want to stand before God and have God ask me, Why did you spit in my face by getting married sinfully?
Ninth and Most Importantly ---- True Love waits.
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